Good Friday, 2008,…

…was March 21st.  I know this because I spent much of the day in a small town Wisconsin hospital with my mother waiting to have surgery.  A surgery to officially end my third child’s existence as part of me.  It wasn’t the best day, obviously.  Our baby was 20 weeks gestation, but an ultrasound (& subsequent post-mortem) showed our baby to have stopped growing sometime around 16weeks, maybe 17.  I had been to my OB-GYN between 16 & 20 weeks at some point (math is fuzzy now) & our baby was alive with a heartbeat at that time.  But then, on Good Friday Eve-Maunday Thursday-I started bleeding & never stopped.  I refused to look at the ultrasound screen the next day, on Good Friday.  I knew what it showed before I even laid back on the table.  I stared at the wall in that dark room & bit my tongue, trying with everything I had not to cry.  The ultrasound tech never said a word, but held my hand.  My mother sat in the waiting room during the scan.  Brian was still down in Iowa at school.  I was visiting my parents for Easter along with my children, Coralee who was in kindergarten & Merritt who was going to turn 3 soon.  Such a strange day.  It was sunny when I entered the clinic that morning & by the time my surgery was over & I was discharged, my mother & I walked out into an evening of gently falling snow. And it was beautiful.  And I can still see it perfectly all these years later.  Beautiful white flakes filling the air.  Like the world wasn’t crashing down on me.  Like I was supposed to stop & recognize there was still beauty out there.

I bought the baby alpaca green yarn that makes up the vest Harmon is wearing in the above photo when I was pregnant with my 2008 Good Friday baby-who, incidentally, had a due date of MY birthday, August 8th.  I thought the due date was a sign this baby was meant to be!  Harmon has worn this little vest I knit with yarn for his special sibling many times.  I snapped these photos of him just before Christmas last year.

I remember buying this yarn.  I was so happy. I loved the color.  I loved how soft it was; Blue Sky Alpacas is dreamy for sure.  I often thought about throwing the yarn out after that Good Friday.  I think I may have thrown some of it away, but I kept a couple skeins wound & unknit for a long time.  When I was pregnant with June I knit some of it up into this vest.  I don’t think June wore the vest but once, if that…this is Harmon’s vest.  I like to think it’s keeping our baby’s memory present. At least with me.

So three years after that horrid Good Friday I gave birth to a living baby, our June Belle.  Yes, on the same day!  March 21st surprised me again.  That’s got to mean something…

And now our second March 21st baby is 6! And such a wonderful little girl.  She does her birthday proud.  

Good Friday will forever be something of a conundrum to me.  Holy Week is tricky, too.  It’s both the worst of life & the best.  Which is scary true on so many levels I get chills thinking about it.  I feel like I have a special connection to Mary, Jesus’s mother.  I really do.  I also lost a child on Good Friday.  But then I was gifted another three years later on the same date.  So, I want to say, Good morning on this goodest of Fridays.  It is a Good day.  And thank you for indulging my thoughts here on this little blog.  May your Friday be Good as well.

P.S. Thank you, Mom. xxo


Yarn Along {my baby is a yarn snob, but he got a ‘sprinkle’ anyway}

I finished Harmon’s third Aviatrix cap over the weekend–made with Blue Sky Alpacas 100% sport weight baby alpaca in a now-discontinued yellow-green shade.  He did not like his first Aviatrix in Knit Pick’s Peruvian Wool.  Not at all.  Ok.  I knit his second in Quince & Co Chickadee–he liked that well enough, but it was just a trifle small.  Cap #3 fits great with room, but, well, below has been his reaction EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I put it on him…  He screams, rubs his face and head on stuff, tosses about…generally acts a fool until I take it off.  I’ve put his Quince & Co Aviatrix (in the colorway Belize) on his large noggin every time we’ve left the house over the course of the past week–which amounts to dozens of times due to school runs, band runs, jazz band runs, grocery runs, library runs, doctor runs…my body could use an actual run at this point–he hasn’t had an averse reaction to it once.  Not once.  So he likes his Quince & Co cap, but it’s too small…
So, of course, I cast on another Aviatrix.  Harmon’s fourth (not including the two I knit prior to his birth for his going-home outfit).  This time I’m using Quince & Co Chickadee in the color Peacoat & knitting one size larger than his Belize cap.  I also have a skein of Quince & Co Lark in Peacoat (& one in Honey) waiting in the wings.  Hoping to knit up a couple Cobblestone Baby Vests once Harmon finally has a cap that fits.  And doesn’t make him scream like an adorable banshee.

I’m about halfway through Kingbird Highway and I am hooked.  It’s a great read.  I hope to write a review of it next week.  If you like to bird, you will love this book.  If you want to go on an armchair adventure, you will love this book.  If you tend to find that the ride is often more fun than the destination, you will love this book.Here is Harmon after I took off his third Aviatrix on Tuesday.  No harm done, but never again.  I guess being a Quince & Co yarn snob isn’t so bad…it sure makes my life fantastic!  My baby will only wear my favorite yarn!   Such a problem to have… 😉
My knitting group friends (and mostly former coworkers) threw a surprise “sprinkle” for Harmon & me this past week during our knit night.  SO SWEET of those ladies!  I love them all so much.  A “sprinkle,” I have learned from BabyCenter, is a light shower–instead of “showering” a new mother with gifts, you “sprinkle” a been-there-done-that mother with a few gifts.  This did not exist with any of my other kids. Harmon received a wonderful selection of board books & several outfits.  Your Baby’s First Word Will Be DADA by Jimmy Fallon is hilarious.  Fallon has said of the book: The thing about this book is there’s no real point to it. … It’s a selfish thing.  I just want the baby’s first word to be ‘dada.’ I don’t care if she’s smart. I have one agenda.  I loved Fallon on SNL so it makes the book all the better for me.  June has been “reading” all the new books to Harmon since the morning-after the shower.  She thinks all her “knittin’ ladies” are awesome.  You ladies so are, thank you!!!! xxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxxx
This is my good friend Marty at the shower (in our homeschooling loft) when she noticed Harmon was wearing knit fingerless gloves.  Shut the front door!  Needless to say she was impressed.  I know what I’ll be knitting when her next daughter pops out a grandchild!  Marty’s so cute.  I love her.  Wish I had taken more photos…  June had a tea party yesterday with her knit dolls.   The red haired one is named Ella Mae.  I knit her for Coralee when she was like 3 or 4 years old and she’s still kicking!  I’ve knit three others since then for the collection.  One is named Gloria and one is named Charlotte, but the newest one doesn’t have a name.  I asked June to name her.  She named her June.
Ella Mae enjoying her tea with June (the person) & me.

Joining in with Ginny.