Four (4) Little Iowans on the Prairie…

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1, 2, 3, 4?!

Yup, big changes coming to Being Bodeker.  Our three little Iowans will soon be four!  I am 17 weeks along in this pregnancy & it has been an incredible journey of the soul thus far.  Let’s just say this baby is a whale of a surprise.  Both Brian & I have struggled to wrap our heads around the changes that will be coming to our family.  For the first couple months we actually both just ignored it, barely said two words about it…I guess we were in shock?  We truly thought we were done & definitely will be after this one arrives in early December.  I hate to say a baby (any baby) is a mistake.  I gave birth to Coralee when I was 20 years old & I know a lot of people thought she was a mistake, but if that’s the case, she’s been the most beautiful, magnificent mistake I’ve ever made.  I can’t imagine life without her.  She’s so stinking cool!  Merritt was absolutely planned–we wanted a sibling for Coralee.  And they are without a doubt two peas in a pod–each the other’s best friend.  We suffered two unexplained losses in-between Merritt & June–one at 20 weeks that forever changed my thoughts on pregnancy & another shortly after at 13 weeks.  I suppose that’s why I’m sharing this big news in a blog post (our kids & my knitting friends are basically the only people who know)…I’ve been waiting to say anything because I’ve been so fearful.  Fearful that I’ll suffer another loss–I have sadly been expecting to wake up everyday to a miscarriage.  But also fearful of what people will say and think when they find out…we realize we’re not spring chickens & should know how this all works…so because pretty much all of my pregnancies (all 5 up to this point) have been met in the real world with not the greatest enthusiasm from a lot of people around me, I can only imagine how this one will go down.  I felt a blog post was the way to go this time.  We’re having a baby (sings Desi Arnaz in my head 24/7 lately).  We’re scared.  We’re not prepared.  (We have a tiny car!!!  I was supposed to go back to work/school in a year!  I have ZILCH maternity clothes left & almost no baby items!  How exactly are we going to afford this?)  This is the most apprehensive I’ve been about a pregnancy yet.  Maybe because I understand how truly fleeting life is now?  Something I didn’t quite get at 20 or 23 or maybe even 29 when I had June?  I’m just worried.  I’ve got three kids that need me & I know the paths a pregnancy can sometimes take…I’m trying to be positive & hope that some greater force has a hand in this & it will all be ok.  We hope so.

Thank you for reading my ramble.  I hope everyone enjoyed their Father’s Day!  I’ll post again this week about our trout fishing trip on Sunday to Coldwater Creek (from where the photo above originates).  If you’ve never watched the ‘I Love Lucy’ episode in which Lucy tells Ricky she’s having a baby, click below.  A classic clip.  I keep watching it over & over…trying to make myself believe everything will be ok.

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13 thoughts on “Four (4) Little Iowans on the Prairie…

  1. Congraulations! When I was reading My Side of the Mountain with Aldo last year I copied down a quote. It was from when Sam was kind of uncomfortable and and cold and unsure on one of his first nights in the wild and he said, “Fortunately, the sun has a glorious habit of rising every morning.” I put it on our fridge and read it every morning and every time I’m at the stove. Good, bad, overwhelming, scary, brilliant, worrisome, happy – whatever the day will bring or has brought, it reminds me the sun will come up the next day and I’ll find a way to carry on, make the most of my day, and find my next adventure. The details will all work out. I wish you health & peace of mind and all the best to you & your family. *hugs*

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    • That is an excellent quote! Sounds exactly like something my grandmother would say! I am starting to slowly believe those details will work themselves out. I am trying not to fret. Too much. It’s hard to enjoy this pregnancy, unfortunately, as I keep expecting something detrimental to happen. I think that is just part of my being now due to the losses, but I find myself waking up each day without so much dread as the day before. Thank you so much for your comment, Sarah, I think I will be mentally chewing on that wonderful quote in the days ahead. Maybe I’ll even re-read the book, too. xx

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    • EXACTLY! I completely agree–the things people think are ok to express out loud to others is ridiculous sometimes. I am actually really happy I had her so young. I have enjoyed experiencing motherhood from all stages of my child-bearing years. I look back and chuckle at all the silly things I did with her, being so young as I was, but I think we share a really deep bond because of how young I was & she’s turned out great, so like you said, so what?! Young moms unite! 😉 Thanks for stopping by the blog! I hope all is well with your two littles. xx

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  2. Oh Ruby!!!!! This makes me so darn happy!! Not nervous at all. I see pink glowing hues all around this babe. And Mom and Dad are so schooled about babies that all is going to be smooth. The kids will ADORE this child. I am really just beaming for you. The first image on this post is so beautiful. Well done! And the clip at the end…well…how sweet is that?! I’ve never seen it. Thanks for sharing…all of it. You are brave and wonderful. Everything will be fine. XO (wow) ❤️

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    • Oh my goodness, that’s awesome that you see pink….that’s all I’m gonna say, though, lol…as we’re not finding out sex. I did with Coralee and June. I KNEW Merritt was a boy even without a single ultrasound. I have no inklings on this baby & I really don’t care either way, but….Thank you so much, Ness, for your beautiful, happy comment. I appreciate it SO MUCH. You’re a doll. And isn’t that ‘Lucy’ clip awesome?!!! When I was 5 years old, I would get home from morning kindergarten and have lunch with my mom in the kitchen while I watched an ‘I Love Lucy’ episode on a tiny black and white counter-top TV. Then I would take a nap. Such an awesome life little kids have. xx

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      • I love that memory of yours! Wish it was mine-ha! Yes, either way I’m gonna think healthy, golden, magical thoughts for this fourth (lucky) child. Been thinking of you a LOT lately. Missing our back and forth via texts! Lost your number because I had to replace my phone. 😕 Maybe if you’re up for it you could text me! Big love to you. ❤️

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  3. This whole post brought tears to my eyes…truly tears of joy for you and your family, my friend. The universe has been so good to you and no being is EVER a mistake, not your first magnificent child and not this little surprise that was destined to be. I think of you so often and the extraordinary miracle you are carrying within you and smile because I know what a treasured little soul this new little Iowan already is. I’m sending so much love and peaceful thoughts so that you may try to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy and revel in the fact that once again, you will be a mother. A life grows within you, and the universe has smiled upon you. I love you friend! ❤️

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